I Lost My Mind and Wrote a Poem

Let me clarify one thing for all of you: I suck at poetry I am more of a prose writer. However, Mama Kat just sent me back to one of my favorite school activity sites for this week’s writing prompt. This web page has all sorts of poetry forms for every kind of school writing activity imaginable. I’ve used these poem forms with kids in grades 2-8, and they all loved it. I only filled them in to model for the students, but I never took it seriously. When Mama Kat led us to the “I Am” poem form,  and told us to fill it out, I thought what the hell it might be fun to partake. As you can tell, I still didn’t take it seriously. Laugh with me, not at me.

I Am

I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity.
I wonder how far south my boobs might actually travel before my children graduate-
I hear a diaper filling while my bra straps beg for mercy.
I see an amber tint to the kiddie pool water as I try to tan the white spots on my belly.
I want a lawn chair that lets me tan upside down
I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity.

I pretend that my boobs are perky enough to cast shadows on the books I write

I feel the girls resting on the computer keyboard, instead.

I worry that I won’t finish my book before my boobs hit the floor.
I cry because I’d rather clean hair balls out of the drain than edit my own book.
I am slightly drooping and drowning in diapered hilarity.

I understand wisdom sucks all the collagen out of my body parts
I say life lessons and healthy children kick way more ass than a cellulite-free butt
I dream that Oprah abandons her network and brings her show back so I can talk about all the books I might write one day.
I might try to eat fewer Oreos, but I doubt it.
I hope E.L. James writes another dirty book for a continued happy family, good health, world peace, publication,
I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity