I Lost My Mind and Wrote a Poem

Mama’s Losin’ ItLet me clarify one thing for all of you: I suck at poetry I am more of a prose writer. However, Mama Kat just sent me back to one of my favorite school activity sites for this week’s writing prompt. This web page has all sorts of poetry forms for every kind of school writing activity imaginable. I’ve used these poem forms with kids in grades 2-8, and they all loved it. I only filled them in to model for the students, but I never took it seriously. When Mama Kat led us to the “I Am” poem form,  and told us to fill it out, I thought what the hell it might be fun to partake. As you can tell, I still didn’t take it seriously. Laugh with me, not at me.

I Am

I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity.
I wonder how far south my boobs might actually travel before my children graduate-
I hear a diaper filling while my bra straps beg for mercy.
I see an amber tint to the kiddie pool water as I try to tan the white spots on my belly.
I want a lawn chair that lets me tan upside down
I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity.

I pretend that my boobs are perky enough to cast shadows on the books I write

I feel the girls resting on the computer keyboard, instead.

I worry that I won’t finish my book before my boobs hit the floor.
I cry because I’d rather clean hair balls out of the drain than edit my own book.
I am slightly drooping and drowning in diapered hilarity.

I understand wisdom sucks all the collagen out of my body parts
I say life lessons and healthy children kick way more ass than a cellulite-free butt
I dream that Oprah abandons her network and brings her show back so I can talk about all the books I might write one day.
I might try to eat fewer Oreos, but I doubt it.
I hope E.L. James writes another dirty book for a continued happy family, good health, world peace, publication,
I am slightly droopy and drowning in diapered hilarity

35 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. clownonfire
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:08:59

    Jennifer
    You didn’t lose your mind… You were drunk. Man, this is why I don’t drink… What else don’t you remember?
    “I Am” should read “I Am Drunk”.
    Le Clown

    Reply

  2. Carrie Rubin
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:16:21

    I always enjoy a poem that’s boobies- and diaper-centric. Sadly, they’re all too rare. Thanks for adding another one to the pile. Your country thanks you. :)

    Reply

  3. Andrea
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:27:23

    Love the chorus! Although I think you could have been writing about my life as well. :)

    Reply

  4. craftcrazygran
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:28:18

    *giggle*! Only slightly! Envy!

    Reply

  5. braintomahawk
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:30:23

    It’s all about you, huh?

    Reply

  6. mylifeisthebestlife
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 14:49:20

    I swear, you’re my new best friend. Can you please move to my sleepy little village so that we can immediately start drinking wine out of juice boxes while we watch kids play at the splash pad? KTHANKSSEEYOUSOON!

    Reply

  7. totsymae1011
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 15:10:08

    Gravity sucks.

    Reply

  8. El Guapo
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 15:16:03

    I almost felt bad for laughing.
    But I got over it.

    Reply

  9. dianasschwenk
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 15:50:27

    Hahaha! I love it! I on the other hand have no mammories to speak of… ;)

    Reply

  10. Julia
    Jul 13, 2012 @ 19:08:15

    I LOVE this! I can relate so very much. Thank you for your honesty and the laugh!

    Reply

  11. doncarroll
    Jul 14, 2012 @ 22:12:06

    good one here. i’m laughing with you:)

    Reply

  12. Annabelle
    Jul 15, 2012 @ 16:47:39

    I think you got to the heart of some home truths here. ;) Very moving.

    Reply

  13. Nicoyle (@nicoyle)
    Jul 19, 2012 @ 18:47:24

    I “tried” to laugh with you and not at you. It didn’t work though ;) I still liked your poem.

    Reply

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