Let’s Fry Up a Little Sumthin’

Stasha, over at Northwest Mommy, and Bridget, at Twinisms, have challenged us to list ten people we’d like to invite to a dinner party. Lawd, let me fire up the peanut oil and get Mr. Jenn cooking. I tell you, that man is the Charlie Daniels of the deep fryer. I’m going to give the following folks a call and let them slide right on in here for some sweet tea and artery clogging.

  1. You! I love you people! Your comments and faithful “likes” on my posts make me so happy. I hope you’re snickering a little at my endless bullshit and don’t have a bone stuck in your throat or something. Anyway, Mr. Jenn will be happy to fry y’all some fish, and I’ll make the hushpuppies. If you catch us at the right time, we’ll steam you a bushel of blue crabs, too. That way you can tell all your friends you got your crabs from the Worrells.
  2. Rita Mae Brown would be my next guest as her writing has inspired me since I was sixteen. Rubyfruit Jungle changed my entire outlook. Starting from Scratch underscored my disdain for the passive tense. I’d make her a big ol’ pan of biscuits to go with whatever greasy concoction we come up with. She’s a fox hunting Virginian, so she’ll get it.
  3.  I’d fix a Twinkie Pie for Jill Connor Browne, the head Sweet Potato Queen in charge. She is another inspiration. Go download all her Sweet Potato Queen books, net your bladder, and prepare your family for the howling that’s sure to ensue. I’m buying Fat Is the New 30 tomorrow. I can’t wait! Not only is she butt-jiggling funny, she’s also a fellow lard lover. She includes recipes for delicious dishes like “Pig Candy” and “Fatten You Right Up Rolls” in all her books.
  4. Later on, Judy Blume and I would belly up to some pasta. I doubt she’s the type to nosh on fried food, but one never knows. She’s a guest of honor because once I read her book Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing when I was in elementary school, I knew I had to write funny. I’ve been obsessed with making stories from the moment Fudge ate Peter’s turtle. Margaret, from Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret,  and I did our boobie exercises and got our periods together. I learned all about sex when I snuck Forever in the house at age 11. Sorry, Mom, I didn’t wait until I was fourteen to read this book like you thought. That time you let me check it out from the library was a reread—probably my fifth one.
  5. On a different note, I’d make Ryan Lochte some spaghetti so he can carb load. I would also offer to check the fit of all his Speedos and alter them as necessary. So what if I can’t sew a button on straight.
  6. Mr. Jenn and I would slap a big ol’ venison roast in the smoker for all the guys in the Old Crow Medicine Show. I just downloaded their latest album, and I’ve been playing it over and over.
  7. The band “Shovels and Rope” would have to come over, too, with their friend Johnny Corndawg. They are another amazing group, and I think they’d eat a venison roast with me, too.
  8. Skye Zentz and I would have a baked ziti casserole with fresh squash and zucchini. Any girl who can make an entire  record with a ukulele amazes me. Her version of “Lonesome Valley” gives me chill bumps all over. I’ve been playing her newest album, Bird Heart, over and over, as well.
  9. I’d love for Mike and Frank from American Pickers to come eat, too. I’ve got some stuff I want to sell. Maybe you’ll see them try and climb through my basement on their next episode.
  10. Eckhart Tolle rounds out my guest list. We can all evolve a little, right? Something tells me he won’t get off on fried fish, but maybe he’d eat some baked ziti with Skye and me.

So, y’all come up to the house and eat sometime. I’ll warm the grease and roll out the biscuits. If we’re really quiet, I believe we’ll be able to hear our cholesterol globules laying pipe in our arteries.

Aside

46 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tessa
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 03:54:48

    Now cholesterol globules are laying pipe in our arteries….too funny!

    Reply

  2. Brother Jon
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 03:57:30

    I didn’t know anyone else listened to Old Crow Medicine Show. Good Stuff.

    Reply

  3. Smaktakula
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 04:18:24

    I was ten when I read Judy Blume’s “Forever.” The next year when sex-ed rolled around, it was just review for me (but still very much only academic!) I kid you not when I say I got all the basics of sex from Judy Blume.

    Reply

  4. Mari Sanchez Cayuso
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 04:20:28

    Haha – you are a riot thank you for making me laugh buckets..

    Reply

  5. totsymae1011
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 04:36:49

    I’ve heard of Rita Mae Brown and never bought her work. I’m going to look her up on Amazon. You have a pretty interesting list here. I’d invite Judy Blume too. Loved her as a kid and even more when I read Wifey. Man, I was too young to read that book but I couldn’t help myself. I learned so much from read her as a teen. Her characters were so easy to connect with and man, did I laugh a lot too.

    Reply

    • Jennifer Worrell
      Aug 07, 2012 @ 13:08:05

      I took all over my Judy Blume books with me when I got on the puberty train. Rita Mae writes lots of mystery series now. They are interesting–her earlier works get me. “Venus Envy,” “Southern Discomfort,” and “Rubyfruit Jungle” are my faves.

      Reply

  6. Adventures w/Autism (@dkotucker)
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 04:42:44

    Twinkie Pie??? Really…hmmm..mmmm artery-clogging good! :D

    Reply

  7. Robbie
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 05:45:58

    I’d like to sit next to Judy Blume please.

    Reply

  8. Sperk*
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 06:32:56

    Love this list-especially Old Crow Medicine Show. Something about them makes me want to cook. And dance. And sing. :)

    Reply

  9. hughcurtler
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 11:37:14

    Thanks for the invite! I’ll have an extra serving of whatever it is you are cooking! :)

    Reply

  10. meizac
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 12:28:35

    If I’m coming, you’ll have to make something vegan (which seems like it might be an interesting challenge for you, given the rest of your list).

    Oh, and I’d like to sit on the other side of Judy Blume. :)

    Reply

  11. inkpaperpen
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 14:27:13

    The part about Ryan Lochte is hilarious. Haha.

    Reply

  12. newsofthetimes
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 15:02:20

    OMG, I just spit up my coffee laughing. I love that you added in Eckhart Tolle. Sit me next to him. I could use some growth with my crabs! ;-) Great post!!!

    Reply

  13. Carrie Rubin
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 17:12:23

    Somehow I figured Ryan Lochte would make your list of table guests. :)

    Reply

  14. changeforbetterme
    Aug 07, 2012 @ 19:57:54

    Ha Ha!! Oh man you are funny….can’t wait for you to be published. I’ll be first in line to read and buy! Oh and I’ll sit next to the American Picker guys…I love that show! :-)

    Reply

  15. joannerambling
    Aug 08, 2012 @ 04:19:51

    Thank you for makeing me laugh and have coke come out my nose…………..

    Reply

  16. Stasha
    Aug 08, 2012 @ 09:25:37

    What neat people you are inviting. I admit I had to google a couple to get aquatinted with them. But I do know all the food you are serving! Bring it on.
    And thank you so very much for the invite xo

    Reply

  17. Nicole Marie
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 14:17:38

    Well this all sounds delicious!!! I love Mike and Frank! Especially Mike. :)

    This made me laugh!

    Reply

  18. Stacie @ Snaps and Bits
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 21:54:48

    Aw so sweet that you put us all first on the list! I wish I had thought of that!

    Reply

  19. Annabelle
    Aug 11, 2012 @ 02:12:49

    I haven’t had hush puppies in YEARS. Bring on the fry!

    Reply

  20. braintomahawk
    Aug 13, 2012 @ 01:17:49

    Not sure if you would want me over- I would definitely take over the sauce prep.

    Lard has definitely made a comeback- I’ve had some kettle chips fried in that; its called flavor!

    Reply

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