Social Networking for the Socially Confused #theresanewdipshitontwitter

ImageI recently launched myself into cyberspace, and I’m hoping like hell there’s a net to catch me or a story left to write when I fall back down to earth. Talk about a distraction: I used to write about loftier things like verbs and shit, but after spending all this time on-line, I’ve degenerated to topics such as cheap chocolate and Peep husbandry. I have learned on my endless quest for publication that editors and agents expect the author to do much of his/her own marketing; a strong on-line presence is now mandatory if publication is the goal. Let the shameless self-promotion begin, I suppose. I thought I would take a little time today to share my experiences with social networking and on-line publication #pleaseletmeguestpostonyourblog.

Facebook seemed like an obvious place to start. I already have a private page for my family pictures and the like, but I wanted to create a separate section for my writing. Most of my friends, family members, and colleagues don’t generally pepper their language with swear words, allow their food to engage in coitus, or fart. I, therefore, had little desire to share my blog with anyone in, say, a 500 mile radius of my hometown. I still have to live and work with these people #pleasedonttellmybossaboutmyblog.

I sent a text to Tech Support (Big A., my stepdaughter) and asked her how to publicize my writing, yet privatize it from People I Might Offend. Big A. suggested that I set up a Fan Page and very nicely referred me to the proper links within Facebook. I quickly filled in the correct information and hit save. When the page refreshed, I found, with great delight, that I already had a LIKE! My oh boy quickly turned to oh, shit when I realized that the “like” stemmed from my pre-adolescent cousin whose parents aren’t that crazy about Sponge Bob. I love these people, and I respect their desire to shelter their daughter from flatulent influences like myself. I called her mother, apologized profusely, and then set my page to 17 and above. Tech Support found this episode rather humorous. I felt rather sickened #lockupyourkidsturdwomanisonfacebook.

My next foray landed me right smack in the Twitter nest. I spend considerable time pondering an appropriate introductory tweet. I said something like, “This twit is now tweeting.” The birds were flarking unimpressed. Twitter has helped me maintain my anonymity quite effectively, since I only have four followers. #BIGApleasefollowmeontwitteripromiseiwontfollowyoubecauseidontneedtoknowaboutyourillicitcollegeactivities.

I did Google myself, and I found myself on the second page (I guess you would call it a page). I located an article on horse barns I’d written and my She Writes page right above a mug shot of a Jennifer Worrell arrested for probation violation and one busted for DUI and driving with a suspended license #wheresabailbondsmanwhenyouneedone. Dude! I’m so excited! Last week, the Mug Shot Chicks were before my She Writes page. Oh, Goody! My four Twitter followers and 14 likes on Facebook must be paying off because Google says I’m moving up in the world!

43 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gigoid
    Apr 09, 2012 @ 21:18:33

    Love it! Welcome to cyberspace, oh clueless one…. :-) I can relate for sure, though having been a geek most of my life, the computer part is fairly straightforward. But the whole social scene gig completely escapes me; what’s the big attraction? Never got it..but it IS necessary if you want to build readership, so…. good rant….


  2. doncarroll
    Apr 09, 2012 @ 21:33:53

    nicely done. the last paragraph really had me really laughing. as to facebook, i’ve tried a couple of my poetics. in the public i can’t get it. if i send privately i do get some feedback. i suppose when it comes to poetics, one is supposed to keep everything internalized.


  3. doncarroll
    Apr 09, 2012 @ 21:37:58

    anything that is bad gets waaaay more attention than the good stuff….


  4. saradraws
    Apr 09, 2012 @ 23:37:27

    Holy crap, you. are. funny.
    One of my clients is an author (I’m a social media manager) and it is both essential and maddening to be on social media for a writer, but there ia a great community out there. If you ever want some tips, lemme know. I’ll start with how to use #verbsandshit effectively.


  5. Smaktakula
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 01:39:31

    15 likes now. Or whatever you have currently +1. I’m delighted that you’ve brought the term “peep husbandry” to my awareness, and that you lace your sentences with profanity.
    My mom used to tell me that profanity was the sign of a meager vocabulary, but fuck that, right?


  6. Neeraj Bhushan
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 04:31:12

    bests. keep sharing. :))))))))))


  7. Big A.
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 12:25:40

    Yeeeahhh you don’t wanna follow me on twitter… Trust me😛


  8. Claire 'Word by Word'
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 12:58:17

    You are on the right track, just keep the focus, you’ll be amazed now you’ve opened up your writing up a wider audience, good tags and genuine comments on other blogs help build a following.


  9. Frank
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 13:22:38

    What a great look at cyberspace. I love the Internet, but only joined Facebook last year so I could play a fantasy baseball game (which is now out of business). I’ve still avoided Twitter, but for how much longer. Well done!


  10. Alex Autin
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 04:14:24

    Hilarious….and true! I don’t Facebook because I really, and I mean REALLY, don’t need another time-sink. I’ve only recently started to use Twitter and still have no clue what I’m doing. As for blogging….I was thinking just this afternoon that I really should cut back … I can get some real writing done. Great post!


  11. stevehallsbooks
    Apr 12, 2012 @ 13:12:57

    I’m still laughing! This is really good! By the way, an English professor in college awarded me with good grades on all my papers. I “peppered” them with choice words. Either it is not a sign of a meager vocabulary, and is acceptable in written and spoken English, or she was happier than shit that I was teaching her all the fucking words, that she had not had the time to learn while attending what ever piss-poor, ass-wipe literature college she attended. 😀


  12. crubin
    Apr 13, 2012 @ 17:53:54

    I feel your social media pain (and I haven’t even jumped on the Facebook train yet). I just followed you on Twitter, so I’ve got that much going for me.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Looking forward to reading more of yours.


  13. Rachel from Redcliffe Style
    Apr 13, 2012 @ 20:44:28

    I love this article. It’s so honest and funny. I look forward to following your journey. Good luck! Rachel


  14. blissflower1969
    Apr 15, 2012 @ 17:41:18

    Peep husbandry made me laugh. This post was awesome.


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