Since I’ve been on a 50 Shades of Gray and herpetological porn kick lately, I thought I would maintain the momentum with a little story about the feline gigolo that showed up at our house a few years back.
I was out on the back deck doing yoga when I caught a slight movement out of the corner of my eye. I twisted myself out of a stiff downward facing dog to behold a skinny, but poised, black cat sitting at the top of the deck steps. His nose and ears looked runny—clearly, this animal had seen better days, but there was something about him. Even though we were complete strangers, this cat clearly had no fear of me. He stood from his sitting position, stretched majestically, and proceeded to strut around my deck with his tail in the air.
Clearly, he wanted me to see that he was ALL boy. As he oozed himself all around, I swear I heard “Wakka Chicka Wakka Chicka” music playing from somewhere. The only thing this cat needed to complete his image was a lime green leisure suit. Whether I liked it or not, this beast clearly had moved in. I went in to get him a bowl of milk, and he lapped it up greedily before strutting around some more. I then went in to get him a can of tuna. Again, he ate as if his tail were on fire. He had another female under this spell, helplessly doing his bidding.
Mr. Jenn rolled his eyes when he saw “Giggy-Lo,” as I named our newest family member. Giggy tried his seductive tactics on my husband, to no avail.
“If there’s a kitty clap, that thing probably has it,” Mr. Jenn noted.
The Gigster hung around for about a year. I guess if I had taken him to the vet to have all his problems, um, fixed, this creature would have become a permanent fixture.
“Don’t you dare spend any money on that animal,” said Mr. Jenn firmly. “Besides, it would be a shame to do that to him.”
Mr. Jenn believes in free love and feral cats apparently. Every now and then I’ll see a black cat wandering around in the woods and wonder about the poor female Giggy-Lo seduced. I can guarantee you this, though: she didn’t go open him a can of tuna!